IVF again?

Last week I emailed the nurse from the fertility clinic because I have leftover medication and I very much want to be rid of everything from IVF. She wants me to hold onto it until I've fully decided I don't want IVF. So now I'm rethinking these things. There is literally only one thing that makes me want to try IVF again and that's the ability to control the situation more. We would know how many eggs would be developed, we would know if there's an embryo placed. When it's just life, you never know and who likes that?

So, I've been rethinking this whole thing again. But there's so many more cons. The emotions. OMG, I cannot go through that again. I was so anxious. If I did try IVF I would have to try other things to eliminate the anxiety and stress. I would have to do so much differently.

The scheduling everything around shots. Or dragging them with me. And the bruising.

We think we'll be getting our money back from the medications, and I've nearly spent all of my out of pocket maximum on insurance so it wouldn't cost a whole lot to go through another cycle. But, and this is the biggest but... the quality of my eggs decrease with IVF. My egg quality already sucks, which is why my chances are so low. And the doctor really did agree that the chances of IVF and naturally conceiving are basically the same.

My husband says whatever I want to do, and I know he'll be supportive, but I also know that he wouldn't do this if he were in my shoes. It's nuts to even think about it. And I know that. So literally the only reason I'd go through IVF would be to be in control of this situation that I have no control over anyway. Which is dumb.