Dreading Mother's Day

I really dreadMother's Day. I'm perfectly fine giving my mom a card and gift in appreciation for what she has done for me. And I enjoy doing that. And I'm also happy for all the moms that get appreciated that day. I just really dread this day so much. I fear this year is going to be more painful than ever.

What I dislike about Mother's Day:

• How it seems like women are failures if they aren't a mother. Too many articles, memes, videos, etc. state "today is a day for women." See meme. Nope. Not true. It's a day for mothers, not all ladies. Not at all. And not all mother's are ladies/female/women.

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• I  dislike the whole "every woman is a mom in some sort of way." No, being an aunt is completely different than being a mom. Being a nanny is completely different than being a mom. Struggling with infertility, I want to be a mom so much that I spent nearly half a year's pay to try to have a kid with only 12% chance of success. I don't want a consolation prize that I'm an auntie. No. It doesn't work that way. Appreciate me for being an aunt or for being a good friend to your kids on another day.

• And Mother's Day sympathy "we are with you as you struggle." Fantastic. I truly appreciate your support and those who have been supporting me throughout the entire process have been AMAZING! Those who learned of the struggle recently, so appreciated. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. But again, I'm not a mother and I want Mother's Day to be about mothers and appreciating mothers. I may be the only person who feels this way, but this is how I feel. I want your support when you can provide it. If that's Mother's Day, fine, but most likely it's more of an afterthought of Happy Mother's Day and to those who can't be or don't want to be mother's oh right it's kinda your day too I guess... we've got you.

• When memes, sayings, etc. differentiate the different types of moms. Foster moms are moms pure and simple. Adopted moms are moms pure and simple, there needs to be no differentiation between what type of mom you are. 

• Church on Mother's Day. Oh, I just don't go. Haven't been for years. I just can't swallow that day in church. It's painful. It's dreadful. It's hurtful. Pastors try to include all women, but again, for me it just makes everything worse. Even before I knew I was infertile, even before I was trying to have kids, even before I knew I wanted kids- it's just not the place for me on this day.

• Finally, the sexist reason I dislike Mother's Day. Men are not treated this way on Father's Day. They are unbelievably praised for saying "hi"to their kids which is ridiculous. They may exist, but I do not see the ridiculous amount of memes about how Father's Day is for all men. However, Father's Day has it's own issues with memes primarily racist and transphobic memes. 

So, Happy Mother's Day. I mean that. But recognize that this day is incredibly painful for many people, for many reasons in ways not to diminish the appropriate recongnition. I understand people don’t know what to say or are uncomfortable so do what you need to do. I didn't discuss losing a mother, or losing children, because that's not my story. I also didn't get into the cis and heteronormism of differentiated days...