Diary of a Barren(ish) Woman; Part 5

In the ironic world that is being infertile, all the tests that I had made me late. So for an exciting 10 days there was hope. Although, of course, I did a lot of internet searching where people stated that their period was delayed by 1-2 weeks after HSG. I also inadvertently had a PCP appointment and talked to her about it and she agreed that the trauma of all the tests could delay one's period. Not to mention the stress.

So for 10 days I was somewhat optimistic. The home HCG tests I have are super cheap so I kept thinking "maybe it's wrong." The final kicker was the negative blood test and then my period on the same day. More irony. It's just a part of the infertility process, being disappointed. Part of my life. A part of my life I don't even always share. I mean who wants to grieve with me monthly? And it's not even really a grief. It's just a disappointment, a let-down, and then my day moves on. Some days are harder than others.

I scheduled our IVF talk with the fertility clinic's NP. It's like a one-on-one class talking about everything that one goes through in the process of IVF. I feel like I've got more information than I would ever need, but alas, there's more to learn. Then there's a class on how to do the shots.

I continue to weigh all the options. We are at the starting line, but looking at a very long path and our plan of action seems to be more clear. Someone said to me that if I don't try IVF I would likely regret it. And that's true. So that's where we are. Talking. And talking. And talking some more. Next year will be more action. But for now I will enjoy the holidays with plenty of alcohol. Because, hopefully soon, for (at least) 9 months I will not be able to imbibe.