coming out of the darkness

I don't know if it's summer. I don't know if it's because I've processed. I don't know if it's because I allowed myself to sit in my grief. But I feel like I'm almost out of the darkness. I don't feel like it has a hold on me any longer.

It probably helped that I have money in my savings account again. It likely helps that it's nice outside and I'm able to walk outside with friends and my husband. And practicing yoga more often.

What I also know what has helped is that I've been journaling. I read "The Book of Joy," just one section at a time and then journal about my thoughts. It's been so helpful and unexpected.

One thing I gained out of it is my morning routine. I'm not a morning person at all, at all, so morning routines are super rough, but this is not.

1. Say to myself: Good morning!
2. Be grateful, thankful, appreciative for another day.
3. Wish good for others (I usually choose a specific person/group to send this to)
4. Set an intention for the day
5. Be meaningful= kindness, compassionate, loving, joyful
Joy, love, compassion, generosity are all contagious. Be the ripple and engage with the world.

Saying these things to myself each morning allows me to get out of my head and recognize that we're all connected. That we all need each other to rely on. It's helped me reframe my thoughts. I can suffer internally and dwell on that, or I can provide compassion and love to another being and either suffer with them, or help alleviate that suffering by providing what I can. That connection is key.

I also bought the journal Zen as F*ck which has helped me more than expected. It's taken some of the anger out. It's allowed me to see things differently and be proud of how much I've accomplished. I've been through a lot in the past few months. I've sat in it. I've walked through it. I'm coming out of it now. It's not a straight line, pretty damn curvy and back and forth too. But I can feel the joyfulness coming back into my body. My heart isn't fully open, but it'll get there...

I still probably should think through an energy cleanse though.