pre-IVF

So the next steps during the BCPs are to:
learn about shots
order medication

First, I called to schedule our "shots class," which by the way is not called shots class and when you call the front desk and say "I need to schedule the shots class" you confuse the person scheduling. So alas, I scheduled the shots class. Prior to shots class, I received the numerous prescriptions... I've got 7, so I called around to pharmacies. We're putting that conversation on pause.

So my husband and I both have a good sense of humor. We are taking the shots class with stride yesterday. I'm doing all the hands-on stuff, except the trigger shot needle- which by the way is HUGE. And apparently I am a bit violent with the needles and the practice skin. Both the nurse and my hubby said "you do realize you're doing this on yourself, right?" because I was quite heavy handed. Well, I said my hubby may do them for me, but apparently he's not sure about that. Okay fine. So we get done with shots class. I don't feel nervous. Although my stomach is in knots. I've got this.

I get a phone call from pharmacy #2... "your insurance doesn't cover infertility shots." WHAT?!?!? Yep, my insurance covers the procedures, but not the medication required to have the procedures. Total bullshit. Why? I seriously ask you, why????

So, I call my insurance to discuss this and she's all on the phone telling me "we just don't cover injections." I wanted to yell and scream. Then she says "also we need to update your phone number." Literally, you just gave me some shitty ass news and you want to then check my contact information?? Not one of my best moments, I hung up on her and cried and cried. And cried and cried some more.

Mind you, I'm at work. Mind you... I have a meeting at 3pm that I need to get to without puffy eyes. Mind you I'm losing it. I call my hubby who says "stop crying. You're at work. We'll discuss later. It'll be okay."

I ran into some coworkers, who now know more information about my private life than I'd ever want to give them. I also brainstorm how the f*** I'm going to be able to pay for these meds. That are supposed to be stabbed into my stomach MONDAY.

I make it through the day, somehow. Get home and bawl. I mean just lose it. My husband gets home right after I do and is like "well, I came home to talk to you about our options..." So I finally pull it together. And we discuss. And we discuss. And we look at our finances (I really wish my loans were paid off). And our FSA- okay, we can afford it. Barely. One round. One round. One 12% chance round. Literally, all my old, fragile, decrepit, minimal eggs in one basket. Needless to say, I slept awful once again. Woke up at 3a for no reason and then at 4a was bawling again. My husband, lovely, patient man, sat by my side while I had another breakdown. This is hard. I'm so overwhelmed. I'm so stressed. This is not what we needed at all. There's so many what ifs. And I'm trying so hard to be positive (which is hard for me in the first place). And I'm trying so hard taking one day at a time. It's a trying time.

I just got off the phone with a lady telling me how much the "discounted" medications are since we are paying out of pocket. She's so nice and lovely. At least there's that. Tomorrow I have to pay for it and she'll overnight it. Medications coming from California. Some refrigerated will be arriving soon. This is happening.

I also tried to donate blood today and was turned away because my blood pressure was too high.  I need to get my shit together. This stress is not good for me at all.

Anyone want to help fund us?