IVF week one

I'll say that week one starts on Saturday when I have my baseline blood draw and ultrasound completed.

Saturday: My lovely husband drove with me to the clinic. On weekends (and surgery days) our normal clinic is closed so we have to drive about an hour to the next one. Hubby was one of like 3 men in the waiting room. He's a good one. I was so nervous I was up at about 1am. I've been pretty on edge in general so a good night's sleep has alluded me for a while now. So we go to the clinic... wait a little while (I was one of the last times they take so I didn't have to wake up super early on a Saturday), and go back to get my stuff done. Quick and easy. The lab tech was super nice and calmed me down. I was pretty nervous still for some reason. They found a cyst, but didn't seem to think it was a big deal (I later got a phone call from the nurse confirming that).

A while ago, before all the stress, before all the money stuff... he wanted to take me to the beach this weekend. So we were still doing that (for one night only now). After the appointment we headed to the beach. I tried to relax and finally Sunday when we went to the boardwalk, to the sandy beach (though chilly) and saw the ocean, my stress finally dissipated enough to be able to breathe. We got home and I stayed that way. Still had issues sleeping, nervous about the shot, but slept pretty well, so all-in-all, I'm doing better.

Monday: First shot day! The first shot is Lupron microdose. It's just a vial and a needle. I have to align it to 20 ml. He was there for moral support. We got it done. I took off work today, so I was able to relax after the shot. Now I just need to get to my second shot of the day (again Lupron). My menses also started today so I'm kinda crampy and blech.

Tuesday: Shots again. I'm getting the hang of this. Only thing is that I've got the worst cramps I've ever had (or had for quite some time). I really don't want to go to work, but need to. They don't let up until after 1p. I simply felt awful all day and a headache started to develop in the evening.

Wednesday: Today I start 2 new shots- Follistim and Menopur. I'm on pretty high dosages. Unfortunately, I wake up at 1am with a tremendously bad headache (which lasts all day long). AM shots took over 20 minutes. We didn't realize the Follistim pen doesn't come with a cartridge in it (we practiced with Gonal-F which apparently comes started?) so we had to figure that out. We had to watch and rewatch a video explaining how to put it together (which I've already watched numerous times leading up to this week). But finally we were done.

PM is Menopur. I'm on 3 dang vials of this powder so we have to remember how to mix them all up and stuff. My husband reads the instructions while I do it. We make a decent team. This shot was hard to push! Definitely will need to get used to this.

This is draining. And this headache is literally awful.

Thursday: My headache seems much duller, but still hanging out. Shots didn't take too long this morning. Outside of that I can definitely feel something happening in my lower abdomen. Hopefully it's follicles developing and becoming healthy and supple and fertile. It's kinda like when you have gas and also like you've got to pee- when your stomach gets heavy. It's not that bad, but I definitely can feel something different down there. The headache came back in the afternoon. I tried pushing caffeine back and probably shouldn't have. I've also been drinking as much water as I can tolerate. My boobs are kinda starting to hurt though. Not sure if that's common.

Again, I'm feeling fatigued (starts in the afternoon). I'm not sure if it's lack of sleep catching up to me, the meds, or this dang headache (which is better than yesterday, but it's still annoying. I didn't take Tylenol today since it doesn't seem to help anyway). It cold also be the weird weather I suppose.

So, this is most of week one. Saturday night I'm doing my shots at a friend's house because we have a yoga thing to attend that ends during shot time. I could probably try to drive home, but I don't want to stress about that. Catch-22 of stress I guess.

medications arrived!

And our car is having maintenance issues. When it rains it pours.

My husband says this is life. I'm trying to not break down again. I went to yoga yesterday and today I'm headed to a fitness class. I must stop stressing. I need to win the lottery. Again, I ask- wanna help fund us?

This is super overwhelming. I got confused and already emailed the nurse like 3 times. I start injections Monday. Not sure exactly what the future holds, one day at a time- right? This isn't all of them- have more in the fridge. Yep... I guess it's starting.

pre-IVF

So the next steps during the BCPs are to:
learn about shots
order medication

First, I called to schedule our "shots class," which by the way is not called shots class and when you call the front desk and say "I need to schedule the shots class" you confuse the person scheduling. So alas, I scheduled the shots class. Prior to shots class, I received the numerous prescriptions... I've got 7, so I called around to pharmacies. We're putting that conversation on pause.

So my husband and I both have a good sense of humor. We are taking the shots class with stride yesterday. I'm doing all the hands-on stuff, except the trigger shot needle- which by the way is HUGE. And apparently I am a bit violent with the needles and the practice skin. Both the nurse and my hubby said "you do realize you're doing this on yourself, right?" because I was quite heavy handed. Well, I said my hubby may do them for me, but apparently he's not sure about that. Okay fine. So we get done with shots class. I don't feel nervous. Although my stomach is in knots. I've got this.

I get a phone call from pharmacy #2... "your insurance doesn't cover infertility shots." WHAT?!?!? Yep, my insurance covers the procedures, but not the medication required to have the procedures. Total bullshit. Why? I seriously ask you, why????

So, I call my insurance to discuss this and she's all on the phone telling me "we just don't cover injections." I wanted to yell and scream. Then she says "also we need to update your phone number." Literally, you just gave me some shitty ass news and you want to then check my contact information?? Not one of my best moments, I hung up on her and cried and cried. And cried and cried some more.

Mind you, I'm at work. Mind you... I have a meeting at 3pm that I need to get to without puffy eyes. Mind you I'm losing it. I call my hubby who says "stop crying. You're at work. We'll discuss later. It'll be okay."

I ran into some coworkers, who now know more information about my private life than I'd ever want to give them. I also brainstorm how the f*** I'm going to be able to pay for these meds. That are supposed to be stabbed into my stomach MONDAY.

I make it through the day, somehow. Get home and bawl. I mean just lose it. My husband gets home right after I do and is like "well, I came home to talk to you about our options..." So I finally pull it together. And we discuss. And we discuss. And we look at our finances (I really wish my loans were paid off). And our FSA- okay, we can afford it. Barely. One round. One round. One 12% chance round. Literally, all my old, fragile, decrepit, minimal eggs in one basket. Needless to say, I slept awful once again. Woke up at 3a for no reason and then at 4a was bawling again. My husband, lovely, patient man, sat by my side while I had another breakdown. This is hard. I'm so overwhelmed. I'm so stressed. This is not what we needed at all. There's so many what ifs. And I'm trying so hard to be positive (which is hard for me in the first place). And I'm trying so hard taking one day at a time. It's a trying time.

I just got off the phone with a lady telling me how much the "discounted" medications are since we are paying out of pocket. She's so nice and lovely. At least there's that. Tomorrow I have to pay for it and she'll overnight it. Medications coming from California. Some refrigerated will be arriving soon. This is happening.

I also tried to donate blood today and was turned away because my blood pressure was too high.  I need to get my shit together. This stress is not good for me at all.

Anyone want to help fund us?