I'm blessed

This week in therapy I was discussing how there's someone in my life that I simply don't like and this is someone that I really can't not have in my life. So I was talking about how guilty I feel for not liking this person and the expectations I had for the relationship. I have worked on the relationship, I have forgiven this person for past transgressions I have felt, I have apologized for past transgressions they have felt, I have tried to be friendly and I simply don't like this person. This person's personality, in my opinion, is simply not nice.

Making a very long story short. or at least shorter... throughout therapy we kept skipping back and forth between different topics. Mainly between the above and the fact that I seem not as worried, stressed, anxious, depressed, etc. as I was before even though nothing has changed on the outside.

I said that it's a combination of effects but mostly because when I was at my lowest and just coming out of it (this summer) a couple of my friends called me out (thanks Kristi and Sarah!). They both (they do not know each other) around the same time period informed me how miserable a person I was to be around. (Pretty sure my mom told me this too).

I said I also realized how many blessings I have in my life. Throughout the miserable time I had many, many people supporting me in many different ways. These blessings include great friends and family who support and believe in me. They believe that, even if I'm depressed and bitchy, I will come out of it someday and be the positive and caring person I am. They believe that even if there is no job in sight that I will get a job. They believe that I will make a difference someday (okay maybe this is my belief but they support me in this belief even if they think it's crazy for me to work for not much more than minimum wage at a nonprofit). They believe in ME. They support and love me regardless. For this, I did not succumb to the miseries of depression. For this, I did not let myself cycle back into that black hole. For this, I am blessed.

So back to person. I have realized that this person may not feel that sort of support. So, my new goal is to figure out a way to show this support to the above person. Even if I don't like this person's personality doesn't mean this person's goals shouldn't be supported. I am blessed and I want to share these blessings. And maybe someday this person will also realize how blessed they are and become a more positive person.