generation... in between?

For some reason I've been thinking a lot about what generation I fit into. I took a class last year that spent a couple weeks focusing on the generations and there are 2 generations that I could fit into based on the year I was born: Generation X and Generation Y or the Millennial Generation. I could fit into both which means that I fit into neither as well. I suppose I'm more X than Y based on my experiences and the experiences of Gen Y, but it's this strange in between that we all feel. We don't fit into the X's because we were brought up on computers more, we all had a computer in our elementary school somewhere... sure it was "for special occasions," you couldn't do much with it, and it was kind of held in this weird esteem. But surely this does not fit with my youngest sister who doesn't remember a time without a home computer or a cell phone- she was born in 1987.

So where do we fit in?
We are the generation that:
~Grew up watching the Smurfs, from Season 1 all the way through- we were old enough to remember Season 1 and too old to be watching the final season (but probably still did)
~We are the Saved by the Bell generation- those kids may have been a little older, but we knew that's what high school was gonna be like
~Of course, My So-Called Life... we can't forget that. Claire Danes represented us...
~We remember when HIV was the "gay mans disease" but really didn't know what gay meant because we were so little, but we grew up with knowing about HIV and AIDS and the I think personally this made us different as a smaller generation. Generation Xers were already at the clubs.... Generation Y was either barely born or not born yet. We remember and we grew up talking about it.
~We remember the Berlin wall coming down, but had no idea why... and German Gen Xers were there...
~Our generation had after school specials
~We did not grow up with Elmo (or rather he was Baby Monster) on Sesame Street (I was 7 by the time Elmo had a name) or Barney (but the annoying kids we babysat did)
~ We remember Atari, but only those kids with older siblings had it.
~ Nintendo came out at the prime age for us :)
~ We knew our way around 'Where in the World is Carmen Sandiago?' (I still remember the jingle)
~ We went into college when the internet was just beginning to popularize and we remember DOS well. So our college years were spent getting to know the WWW and getting used to not doing everything on paper (or needing paper copies). This has helped us in our careers because we can understand why people prefer paper copies, so we don't get annoyed as easily as our younger counterparts, but don't have the need to print everything off like our older counterparts (and we are generally more computer savvy).

So... where do I fit in? I don't know... any ideas? Is it required that I choose a generation or can I be unlabeled. Any other memories from people born between 1976 and 1982? I feel we are the "in betweeners".

reasons things happen...

How often do you hear "everything happens for a reason"?
If you're me... you hear it a lot because things don't just 'work out' for me. There have been few times in my life where something fell in my lap and I was able to scoop it up. As in, right time, right place.

These have happened:

- Getting hired at PLASE after my volunteer service... after months and months of looking. Getting there and finding out that the position wasn't actually open (um... after moving there) and then after the longest discussion ever they found grant money to hire me.

- Being hired at CBHS: I wasn't looking for a job, but applied for one, didn't get it and several months later received a call that they're interested in me for another job...

- Getting my teaching assistantship... I "x"ed a box and after months I received an interview phone call. After months of not knowing what to do about school, after months of getting out of a lease and hoping I can afford that apartment in WI that I just signed a lease for, months of packing up my apartment, months of resignation, ending my yoga teaching gigs and finding a part time job and interviewing for that... not knowing... I got offered the assistantship.

These are the 3 times in my life something fell in my lap. Although not without a lot of crap leading up to it. Does everything "happen for a reason"? I truly don't know.

I was denied job after job after job this summer. I finally found a job, and it truly is the job that I wanted when I got out of school. But not without a lot of stress. And there's a lot of issues with this job that I cannot delve into here and now. A lot more stress than I've ever had in my life.

I guess... if I consider long enough... it happened for a reason: someone else got that job and maybe they needed it more. Maybe they didn't have a cousin that would let them stay in their basement. Maybe they had less than $100 in the bank. I don't know. Maybe that's the reason...

I worked hard, very hard, to get through grad school. I knew what I wanted to do when I went into grad school. I genuinely want to help people. I truly want the world to become a better place and feel the need to help with that. How can I do this when I am constantly beat down? This is what it feels like to me. I try, boy do I try, to keep a positive attitude. I know I struggle with this. I do. But that's why I'm in therapy right... which btw costs a ridiculous amount because my insurance sucks ass. Oh, yeah, I could be positive that I have insurance... but for it to actually pay off I'd have to have something terrible happen to me.

I have a friend who was recently diagnosed with cancer and she is unbelievably positive about her situation. Her attitude is amazing. I wish I could have that kind of temperament. Her attitude will help her recover and fight and survive.

I don't think I have the worst attitude ever. I know people who are so negative they have to make other people's lives miserable. I don't know if this is on purpose, but they do and it sucks. I don't believe my attitude is that bad. I just have a temperament that tends to be more pessimistic (I call it realism but apparently this is what all pessimists say so it's time to admit it...).

I am so off topic right now... back to does everything really have a reason. Maybe. I have yet to see many reasons why things are or were.
I guess I can say I learn from a lot. It makes me stronger is what a lot of people say (which I don't feel is true, it makes me more harsh, bitter and pessimistic). It does help me see the blessings when they come. It helps me realize what strong support I have. Dear world... I've realized this enough- now it's time to let something fall into my lap please.

I'm blessed

This week in therapy I was discussing how there's someone in my life that I simply don't like and this is someone that I really can't not have in my life. So I was talking about how guilty I feel for not liking this person and the expectations I had for the relationship. I have worked on the relationship, I have forgiven this person for past transgressions I have felt, I have apologized for past transgressions they have felt, I have tried to be friendly and I simply don't like this person. This person's personality, in my opinion, is simply not nice.

Making a very long story short. or at least shorter... throughout therapy we kept skipping back and forth between different topics. Mainly between the above and the fact that I seem not as worried, stressed, anxious, depressed, etc. as I was before even though nothing has changed on the outside.

I said that it's a combination of effects but mostly because when I was at my lowest and just coming out of it (this summer) a couple of my friends called me out (thanks Kristi and Sarah!). They both (they do not know each other) around the same time period informed me how miserable a person I was to be around. (Pretty sure my mom told me this too).

I said I also realized how many blessings I have in my life. Throughout the miserable time I had many, many people supporting me in many different ways. These blessings include great friends and family who support and believe in me. They believe that, even if I'm depressed and bitchy, I will come out of it someday and be the positive and caring person I am. They believe that even if there is no job in sight that I will get a job. They believe that I will make a difference someday (okay maybe this is my belief but they support me in this belief even if they think it's crazy for me to work for not much more than minimum wage at a nonprofit). They believe in ME. They support and love me regardless. For this, I did not succumb to the miseries of depression. For this, I did not let myself cycle back into that black hole. For this, I am blessed.

So back to person. I have realized that this person may not feel that sort of support. So, my new goal is to figure out a way to show this support to the above person. Even if I don't like this person's personality doesn't mean this person's goals shouldn't be supported. I am blessed and I want to share these blessings. And maybe someday this person will also realize how blessed they are and become a more positive person.