foster care/adoption classes

Last week we sat through adoption/foster care classes through our county. I can't tell you how rough of a week it was, but I suppose that's the goal of this blog post. First, we were in a class of 11 other people, mostly couples. Some had very direct reasons to be in class- specific children they were trying to adopt. Others were there because they have large hearts and want to foster. I think we were the only couple there to adopt only through the state (at least adopt only a child we don't know yet).

We have rules and guidelines, specific ways to discipline the child, specific people who can watch our child, etc. We constantly were barraged by the negatives. Constantly. You're going to be accepting a kid with trauma. You're going to have a kid who's going to have behavioral issues. You're possibly going to get beaten by said child. There were very few stories that were positive. We watched videos of children in the system. We heard about how children get into the system. It was hard. Emotionally. Mentally. Physically. I would go home every night and cry. My husband was pretty quiet. Though, he's usually pretty quiet, but he processed what he needed to. I'm not really sure what fully goes through his head every day. The one day that I didn't cry, I picked a fight with him. I was a mess. It's just a lot to deal with, it's a lot to absorb. And even though I truly do think that I would've wanted to go this route at some point in my life, I never expected the reason to be because I can't have children. Maybe to round out my family, maybe to give a kid(s) a home for a while. Who knows, and I also know that it's not our only option and that we chose this option but can this training have one damn thing that's positive?!?!?!

The last day, we do have a panel of foster/adoptive parents. That was something positive at least, but it really didn't make me feel a ton better. I guess it'll take time to process. The one thing that did make me feel better was a post I saw on Facebook from a woman who adopted 3 daughters from the foster system and her story was similar to ours. She discussed the difficulties, but the joy that everything does work out. It's my hope. That's my light. I need to see more of these stories.

I also found a true friend during this process, she was so supportive and so amazing this week I probably would've quit without her. I generally don't call people out... but Annie. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart. Thank you. I love you.